It Ends With Us: Realizations

 It Ends with Us" by Colleen Hoover is a popular contemporary romance novel that explores themes of love, domestic violence, and personal growth. The book was first published in 2016 and has received widespread acclaim for its emotional depth and powerful storytelling. Currently, a movie adaptation is attracting a significant audience, especially among book fans.

I came across the book three years ago when it went viral on TikTok. I read it in one sitting, yet its aftermath lingered for a long time.

Fast forward to now, after watching the movie adaptation, I found myself deeply reflecting on the complex emotions and difficult decisions the characters faced. The story touched me in ways I hadn’t expected, and it brought about several profound realizations that have stayed with me since.

1. Understanding the Duality of Love: Beauty and Pain

One of the first things that struck me was the dual nature of love—how it can be both incredibly beautiful and intensely painful at the same time. As I watched Lily's story unfold, I realized that love isn’t always the pure, uncomplicated force that we often imagine it to be. In the novel, love is layered with complexities, especially when it’s tied to someone who also causes pain. This realization made me think about the relationships in my own life and how sometimes, the very things that draw us to someone can also be the things that hurt us the most. It was a sobering thought, recognizing that love alone might not be enough to sustain a relationship when it’s marred by harm and toxicity.

2. The Complexity of Domestic Abuse: More Than Just Physical Harm

Second was how domestic abuse is not just about physical violence—it’s about control, manipulation, and emotional turmoil. The story made me understand that abuse can start subtly and escalate over time, often making it difficult for the victim to recognize it until they’re deeply entangled. Watching Lily’s struggle, I realized just how complicated it can be for someone to leave an abusive relationship, especially when love and fear are so intertwined. This realization made me more empathetic towards those who stay in such relationships, understanding that it’s not just a matter of walking away; it’s a battle against deep emotional bonds, fear of the unknown, and sometimes, hope that things will change.

3. The Courage to Break the Cycle of Abuse

The third was about the immense courage it takes to break the cycle of abuse. Watching Lily make the difficult decision to end her relationship with Ryle, despite still loving him, was incredibly powerful. I realized that breaking free from an abusive relationship isn’t just about leaving the person—it’s about making a conscious decision to change the course of your life and the lives of those who come after you. This realization made me reflect on the importance of self-worth and the strength it takes to put your well-being above the love you have for someone else, especially when that love is toxic. It reinforced for me that sometimes, the hardest decisions are the ones that lead to the most profound personal growth.

4. Empathy for the Abuser: Understanding Without Justifying

I also found myself grappling with the empathy I felt for Ryle, the abuser. The story does a remarkable job of showing his backstory and internal struggles, which made me see him as more than just a villain. This realization was difficult because it made me understand that abusers are often shaped by their own traumas and pain. However, this understanding doesn’t excuse their actions. I realized that it’s possible to feel empathy for someone’s struggles while still holding them accountable for their harmful behavior. This nuanced view of Ryle made me think about how we often categorize people as purely good or bad, but in reality, everyone is a mix of both, shaped by their experiences.

5. The Importance of Self-Worth and Setting Boundaries

 Lily’s journey also made me realize the importance of self-worth and the necessity of setting boundaries in relationships. As I watched her struggle with her feelings for Ryle, I saw the internal battle she faced between her love for him and her need to protect herself and her future. This realization hit home for me, making me understand that valuing myself and my well-being should always come first, even when it means making difficult and painful decisions. It made me reflect on my own life and consider where I might need to set firmer boundaries to ensure that I’m prioritizing my mental and emotional health.

6. The Power of a Support System

What also prevailed in the storyline was how crucial a strong support system is during difficult times. Throughout Lily’s journey, the people around her—whether it was her mother, her friends, or even Atlas—played a significant role in helping her navigate her challenges. This realization made me appreciate the support systems I have in my own life and reminded me of the importance of leaning on others when I need help. It also made me more aware of the role I play in other people’s lives and the importance of being there for those I care about.

7. The Impact of Trauma on Future Generations

However, one of the most profound realizations I had was about the impact of trauma on future generations. Lily’s determination to break the cycle of abuse for the sake of her daughter made me think about how our experiences shape not only our lives but also the lives of those who come after us. This realization was a reminder of the responsibility we have to address our traumas and work through them, so we don’t pass them down. It made me reflect on my own life and the patterns I might need to break to create a healthier future for myself and those around me.

8. Strength in Vulnerability

Finally, there is immense strength in vulnerability. Lily’s willingness to confront her past, face her pain, and make tough decisions showed me that vulnerability isn’t a weakness—it’s a form of strength. This realization was liberating, as it made me see that being open about my struggles and emotions is not something to be ashamed of, but rather, it’s a path to growth and healing. It encouraged me to embrace my vulnerabilities and see them as a source of resilience rather than something to hide.