Just by God's Love

 I don't know how and where to start. That feeling when you are in gridlock. You got nowhere to go. 

That feeling when you are in the middle of darkness. I don't know what lies ahead. 

I will be honest with you. At this point right now, I have nothing at the top of my head for my life. I am not saying that I don't have dreams at all. I have those, of course. I can call myself a dreamer as well. Yet, I am still in gridlock. I have no idea when it will end. No idea how to get out of it. No idea how long it will last. Despite all of it, I have one certain thing, it will eventually end.

There were moments when I thought of stepping on the brake to have a full stop in the middle. Although if I did, I might have caused trouble for others. This cycle continues every day. I have let myself be drowned in this dilemma. I have lost my motivation once in a while. There were days when I would get perked up and see a beacon ahead. The hustle got loosened up and I could find myself wheeling forward. Yet, those things seldom happen. The one who used to be so eager and motivated has become idle.

I let myself be so discouraged that I didn't know how to become encouraged. I sometimes become very astounded with myself because I get to give a lot of encouragement to others, yet I have nothing for myself. This is because I don't know how to push myself or I might have nothing to give myself anymore. I have mastered wearing that mask splendidly. 

Don't get me wrong. I always pray to God. I also read and listen to His word daily. It's just that my battles are already below and beyond the surface. There is a need for me to dive deeper to profoundly understand how to overcome them. For sure, I fight these battles passionately and no longer desperately, with the intention not to impress but to express how radical the love of God is.

Yes, I am still a work in progress. There is no such thing as ranking or tenure in the area of growing yourself in Christ. Even though you may have been serving the Lord or have known Him, there are still these hang-ups and idleness. My journey may go up and down as I walk along the path God has for me. There may be humps and holes. There could be bad weather. I could be rained on and stormed on most of the time. The rain would discourage me from continuing to wheel forward. There could be a flood. A flood of persecutions, judgments, and storms that could destroy my willpower. Storms of betrayal and burdens.

Yet, despite all of it. I can always say that I tightly hold on to the hope of the seemingly flickering beacon. Though it is way too far from where I am at the moment, the fact that I know its existence and have the faith that I can victoriously reach it, I am resolved. Plainly, I can faithfully say that I am secured by God's love. All of what I know and have in this world might be taken away from me, but I still won't be in despair because nothing in this world amounts to the love of God for me.

"No power in the sky above or in the earth below - indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:39 NLT