Wednesday, June 05, 2024

A Friend Named.... Ceiling

Late at night, when the world outside my window has surrendered to the quiet stillness of slumber, I lie awake in my bed, tracing invisible patterns on the ceiling above me. It has become my silent companion, an impartial witness to the thoughts that swirl relentlessly through my mind. The ceiling, with its cracks and specks, has become a canvas for my restless imagination, a space where I can project my innermost musings and fears.

I remember when our nights used to be filled with whispered secrets and shared dreams. But those nights seem distant now, like echoes fading into the night.

Tonight, as the shadows lengthen and the moon casts a pale glow through the curtains, I can't help but feel the weight of your absence. You are here, yet so far away. 

As I stare up at the ceiling, I find myself creating stories in the patterns of the plaster. There is a crack that runs from one corner to the other, and I imagine it as a river, winding its way through a forgotten land. In my mind's eye, I follow its course, letting it take me far from this room and the ache in my heart.

I have become friends with the ceiling, confiding in it the secrets I can no longer share with you. It listens without judgment, a silent sentinel to my midnight confessions. I tell it of my longing, my confusion and my hurts. I trace the lines with my eyes, as if seeking answers in the chaos of the patterns.

Each night, I find solace in my newfound friend. The ceiling does not demand explanations or offer false reassurances. It simply exists, steady and unchanging, a stark contrast to the shifting sands of our relationship. I envy its constancy, its ability to remain unaffected by the storms that rage below.

I remember the first time I noticed the distance growing between us. It was a gradual thing, creeping in like the slow spread of dawn light. At first, it was subtle – a missed call, a distracted look, a conversation cut short. But over time, it became impossible to ignore. You were physically present, but emotionally absent, your mind occupied by thoughts of someone else.

I tried to reach out, to bridge the gap, but my efforts seemed futile. The more I tried to hold on, the further you slipped away. I began to feel like a ghost, haunting the edges of your life, unseen and unheard. And so, I turned to the only thing that seemed to understand – the ceiling.

In the quiet hours of the night, I tell it of my dreams, my hopes for the future.  The ceiling offers no answers, only the steady comfort of its presence.

As the nights pass, I find myself growing stronger in the silence. The ceiling has taught me to embrace the stillness, to find peace in the quiet moments. I learn to be content with my own company, to find strength within myself. I realize that I cannot make you nor force you to stay. All I can do is be true to myself, to hold on to the person I am becoming.

And so, I continue to confide in the ceiling, my steadfast friend. I share my fears, my triumphs, my small victories. I tell it of the days when I feel strong, when I can face the world with a smile. I speak of the nights when the loneliness threatens to overwhelm me, when the ache in my heart feels unbearable.

Through it all, the ceiling remains, a silent witness to my journey. It has seen me at my weakest, my most vulnerable, and yet it does not judge. It simply exists, a constant presence in a world that feels ever-changing.

I am learning to accept it, to find peace in the knowledge that I cannot control one's feelings toward me. I can only control my own, and in that, I find a measure of strength.

The ceiling has become a symbol of my resilience, a reminder that I can endure, that I can find my way through the darkness. It has shown me that I am not alone, that even in the silence, there is companionship to be found.

And so, I continue to make friends with the ceiling, to find solace in its steady presence. I know that the road ahead will not be easy, that there will be days when the loneliness feels overwhelming. But I also know that I am stronger than I once believed, that I can find my way through the darkness.

As I lie here, staring up at the ceiling, I make a promise to myself. I will not be defined by the loss. I will find my own way, my own path, and I will walk it with my head held high. The ceiling has taught me that I can endure, that I can find strength in the quiet moments.

And so, I close my eyes, letting the comfort of the ceiling's presence wash over me. I may be alone, but I am not lost. I am finding my way, one night at a time, with the ceiling as my steadfast friend.

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